DINAO Round 5 – The TV Personality Edition

Posted By on March 5, 2008

I have to say that so far last week’s Death Is Not An Option was by far my favorite. I could feel everyone’s skin crawling as they commented with their choices. I had a good laugh reading all your choices. Especially since most people had some really good and well thought out reasons for picking the lesser of two evils. And it is good to know that most people would rather sleep with George H.W. Bush than our current President. Which is both disgusting and makes complete sense, all at the same time.

For those of you new to the game, the rules are simple, between the two choices, you have to decide who you would sleep with. And death is NOT an option. That means you too, Haro. Previous rounds here, here, here and here.

Round 5

The Sexy Newsman Edition

Anderson Cooper vs. Matt Lauer

anderson-cooper.jpg     matt-lauer.jpg

The Cable Funnyman Edition

Jon Stewart vs. Stephen Colbert

jon-stewart.jpg     colbert.jpg

The Today Show Ladies of Past and Present Edition

Katie Couric vs. Meredith Viera

katie_couric.jpg     meredith-viera.jpg

The Punching Your Own Face Is Not an Option Either Edition

Ann Coulter vs. Nancy Grace

ann-coulter.jpg     grace.jpg

The Kings of Late-Night Edition

David Letterman vs. Jay Leno

letterman.jpg     leno.jpg

The Retired Newsman Edition

Tom Brokaw vs. Dan Rather

brokaw.jpg     dan-rather.jpg

The Conservative Fox News Edition

Shepherd Smith vs. Sean Hannity

shepherd-smith.jpg     sean-hannity.jpg

The Sportscaster Edition

Chris Berman vs. John Madden

chris-berman.jpg     madden.jpg

The I Needed Two Other Hosts Edition

Jimmy Kimmel vs. Joel McHale (The Soup)

kimmel.jpg     joel-mchale.jpg

The Old, Ugly Newsman Edition

Larry King vs. Wolf Blitzer

larry-king.jpg     blitzer_wolf.jpg

There you go! Comment away!

About the author

Kristabella, who also answers to “Hey! Drunk Girl!”, is a reformed band geek with an amazing ability to drink most people under the table. You can read her inane ramblings here, where she talks about her exciting life as a spinster with two cats and a fascination for Bacon.


26 Responses to “DINAO Round 5 – The TV Personality Edition”

  1. christa says:

    anderson cooper just so for the hair, tanning and nail tips
    jon stewart, regardless of opponent
    katie couric, because i get older and she stays the same age
    ann coulter, but only because nancy grace’s bangs seem flamable
    david letterman, because things could get confusing with leno’s chin in the dark
    tom brokaw, because the yearbook-like photo really shows me his personality
    sean hannity, because he looks less like a weatherman
    john madden, with a cast for my ribs at the ready
    jimmy kimmel, but only after i saw how well he treated ben
    wolf blitzer, larry king looks like ET

  2. Jules says:

    OMG, The Sexy Newsman Edition!!! My dreams have been answered! Let me at ’em.

    1. Coops. I mean, rumor has it that he’s into guys so he might not enjoy being with me as he would, say, my brother (if I had one), but oh well! I. CHOOSE. HIM. However, if he let’s out that kinda creepy laugh at any point, the deal is off and I’m switching to Lauer.

    2. Stewart vs. Colbert? Why don’t you just rip my heart out? Can I choose both?! Ok, I guess I’ll pick Stewart. Since he’s Jewish my mom will be thrilled, and because of that, she won’t hold it against him completely that he’s not also a doctor.

    3. Am I supposed to pick between the chicks? I was never clear on that. If so, I suppose I’d go with Meredith Viera because she seems more fun than Katie, and Katie’s eye lift freaks me out.

    4. Nancy Grace for sure because she totally cracks me up. Nobody says, “Van Der Scchhhhlooooot” quite like she does. I would, however, like to buy Ann Coulter a hairbrush and a muzzle; and force her to use both.

    5. LETTERMAN! I think he’s a gentleman. Leno is a dirty old man, man.

    6. Tom Brokaw, I suppose. Neither of these men thrill me but something about Dan Rather makes me gag a little.

    7. BLECH!! Maybe those initial “Dan Rather gags” were because I saw the upcoming choices and my throat was prepping. Hannity? He should not be flattered though, it’s only because Shepherd Smith’s laser-beam eyeballs are cutting through my skull like a…. laser-beam.

    8. My inclination is to pick Chris Berman because I have no idea who he is, so I’ll go with that. Though that also leads to a sense of dread.

    9. Joel McHale, all day long! Though I hope he leaves his little dog at home. That man cracks me up… and he’s SUPER tall. I could climb him like a tree!

    10. Wolf Blitzer. Not just because you could probably put ANYONE up against Larry King and I’d pick them, but because it makes me laugh to think of calling out his name in bed. I would totally use his first and last name in that situation, too.

    This version of DINAO was delightful… 😉

    House of Jules

  3. Nancy says:


    LMAO … good edition!

  4. Tara says:

    -Anderson Cooper…although Matt would be a good choice too.
    -Meredith…Katie comes off as too sweet and innocent. Meredith looks like she likes to have fun.
    -Nancy, but only because I would rather punch crazy bitch Ann Coulter.
    -Jay…never been a Letterman fan.
    -Tom…Dan has always bothered me.
    -Sean…I think Shepherd looks like he should be in a wax museum.
    -Chris…I wouldn’t want to listen to John’s play-by-play of our night.
    -Joel…Jimmy isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t want to break Ben’s heart. 😉
    -Wolf…I agree with the first commenter. Larry does look like ET.

  5. Heather B. says:

    Stewart – I met him once and he’s nice and funny in person and who cares that it was 2 AM in Vegas. I’m sure he would have been funny at 2 PM while sober.
    Viera – I’m watching her now. I actually forgot about Couric.
    Coulter – She is the spawn of Satan but let’s face it, she’s hotter than Nancy Grace.
    Brokaw – Although my true love will always and forever be Peter Jennings.
    Berman – I guess
    Wolf – I was about to say something highly inappropriate but uh, never mind.

    This was really hard.

  6. Mahnee says:

    Eeewwwww on some….
    Anderson Cooper
    Jon Stewart – no contest against most ANYONE
    Meredith Viera – Katie’s gums drive me crazy
    Ann Coulter – death should be an option
    David Letterman – it’s Jay’s chin all pointy & pokey
    Tom Brokaw
    Sean Hannity
    John Madden
    Jimmy Kimmel – no contest after the Ben video
    Wolf – again, death should be an option

    I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!

  7. Sarah says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure Cooper and McHale (so sayeth Data Lounge) are gay, but hey whatever.
    Matt Lauer
    Colbert. This would have been Stewart until the running gag with Conan O’Brien. I know Conan is freakishly tall, but Stewart just looked too tiny next to him.
    Coulter, only because she would probably like it rough
    Brokaw, RAWR
    Hannity, I watch him with the sound off

  8. Nic says:

    Coulter – and I’d sell my story to the tabs
    Leno – seems like he’d be more sensitive
    Blitzer. It would be over quickly.

  9. nancypearlwannabe says:

    Anderson Cooper, he’s kind of hot in an older man kind of way
    Jon Stewart, cutie
    Katie Couric, I guess
    Nancy because Ann Coulter makes me want to scratch her face off
    Hannity, but eww, Fox News
    Chris Berman, gross
    Jimmy Kimmel, he effed Ben Affleck
    Wolf Blitzer, Larry King is one of the ugliest men alive

  10. slynnro says:

    Anderson Cooper, despite the fact that he is rumored to be gay. HOT!

    Stephen Colbert- my love for him has surpassed my love of Jon Stewart

    Meredith Viera

    Nancy Grace- but just barely. UGH.

    David Letterman- I’ve always had a HUGE CRUSH on him.

    Tom Brokaw

    Shepherd Smith- I totally developed a crush on him during the Katrina coverage. Sexy voice.

    Chris Berman- I really hate John Madden.

    Joel McHale

    Wolf Blitzer- even though he looks like he’s made of clay in that picture, he is still the lesser of two evils.

  11. Melissa says:

    Again, I agree with Jules. But I would have to use the hair brush to bitchslap Coulter…I love the thought of her muzzled though…

  12. Candy says:

    You’re really a sick puppy. Come here, let me feel your nose.


    1. Anderson, although I’d totally let Lauer do me.
    2. Jon Stewart. JON STEWART! I heart Jon Stewart.
    3. Katie. Meredith bothers me in some way.
    4. Nancy Grace, because I’d be too distracted trying to kick Anne Coulter’s face in with my boot to actually have sex with her.
    5. Letterman. Any day of the week. He’s sexy, in a non-sexy way.
    6. Brokaw. Tried, but true.
    7. Sean Hannity. Cause the other guy is creepy.
    8. John Madden. Lesser of evils.
    9. Joel McHale. He reminds me of Seacrest and I like the pretty boys.
    10. And Wolf. Because Larry is dead, but nobody has told him yet.

  13. Raven says:

    CURSE YOU WOMAN! You have me all tricked what with the hot in the beginning and then…oh then you squick me right the hell out. I should’ve known better.


    Anderson Cooper 4TW. Although this was hard, even though Lauer has a hot bod, I know he has hair plugs and that is not sexy. Also, the whole “Where in the world is Matt Lauer?” thing would be annoying.

    Stewart. Hands down much more attractive and less annoying than Colbert.

    Couric. Viera is an idiot.

    Really? I have to? GAH! Coulter. She’s probably so frigid that sex would be entirely unwanted. Grace has kids so you know she’s getting it on.

    Leno. I want to drive his cars. Everyone knows that you either gotta bang the gear heads to ride their rides or know enough about cars to earn their respect. I have dropped a transmission in a 4×4, did my own tune-ups on my VW and have worked on sandrails. I might get the ride without the bang. LOL

    Brokaw. Whatever- old is old.

    Hannity. The other dude looks too American Psycho OCD from that picture and he’d probably take all my hair products after.

    Berman. Can’t handle the voice on the other one. Is there a ball gag perhaps and a paper bag? That might change my answer.

    Joel McHale! I effing love him.

    The Crypt Keeper aka King. After the debates I can’t allow Blitzer near me.

  14. The Muse says:

    The Sexy Newsman Edition
    – Matt Lauer. Have you seen those photos of him at the beach? YUMMY.

    The Cable Funnyman Edition
    – Jon Stewart. He just makes me laugh in general, and would probably win over everyone on this board.

    The Today Show Ladies of Past and Present Edition
    – Katie Couric. If only because I was less than impressed with Viera’s coverage of Georgia Aquarium earlier this month.

    The Punching Your Own Face Is Not an Option Either Edition
    – Mann Coulter. If I have to. Maybe she’s into that asphyxiation stuff and I can strangle her for real.

    The Kings of Late-Night Edition
    – David Letterman. I’m afraid of Leno’s chin anywhere near my nether regions.

    The Retired Newsman Edition
    – Tom Brokaw. There’s something about him that still gives him that aura of charm. And Rather’s only aura is that of his ears sticking out.

    The Conservative Fox News Edition
    – Shepherd Smith. I’ve been annoyed by him less so than Hannity.

    The Sportscaster Edition
    – Chris Berman. I’m afraid of Madden’s drool anywhere near me.

    The I Needed Two Other Hosts Edition
    – Jimmy Kimmel. Because, c’mon, everyone know’s he’s f!@#ing Ben Affleck. And anything that gets me closer to Ben is good in my book.

    The Old, Ugly Newsman Edition
    – Wolf Blitzer. Only because of his name. And the lack of (obvious) suspenders.

  15. moo says:

    It’s wrong how much I love this game.

    Anderson Cooper, even though I think he’s gay.

    Jon Stewart … yummy!!

    Katie Couric. Can’t stand Meredith

    Nancy Grace, although I’m not happy about it

    David Letterman … that front gap is SEXXXY

    Tom Brokaw

    Sean Hannity scares me, so I choose Shepherd Smith

    Chris Berman (he! could! go! all! the! way!)

    Joel McHale, because I do not want to be gutted by Sarah Silverman

    Wolf Blitzer. (I think Candy’s right and Larry is dead, but no one told him yet)

  16. LarryLily says:

    OK, there are only two pairs of women, well, t

    So its meredith vieria and nancy grace

    You need to do a dead persons version.

    and include more women, or else I will post pics of you being drunk and disorderly at the ASU homecoming parties LOL

    I was posing as the saguaro cactus in the No-Tell-Motell

  17. Laurel says:

    Lauer–His baldness pattern is the same as AS’s. Also, Cooper is gay.

    Stewart–Stick with the original!

    Viera–I think she’s pretty sassy.


    Letterman–I love him.

    Brokaw–Because when I was a kid, I confused President Reagan with Dan Rather.

    Shepherd–Solely based on cuteness.

    Madden–Again, SLIGHTLY cuter

    Kimmel–McHale is pretty creepy.

    Blitzer–Lesser of two evils

  18. hotfessional says:

    Oh Dude.
    – Anderson Cooper. Who is gay. But cute. And would go shopping with me after?
    – Jon Stewart.
    – Meredith Viera because I can’t stay the sicky sweet cute.
    – Coulter. But I’d stab her afterwards. Death is only not an option BEFORE or INSTEAD OF, right? AFTER is okay?
    – Letterman – because Leno’s chin just grosses me out.
    – Brokaw, all the way
    – Um, Hannity? Although he’d likely go the way of Coulter afterwards.
    – Berman for certain.
    – Kimmel – to show him Detroiters aren’t half bad.
    – Wolf – because I remember the first Gulf War.

  19. Allison says:

    YAY for the joy that this silly game brings me!!

    1. Anderson – he may like winkies more than he likes who-whos…but he’s still adorable.

    2. Jon – love them both really.

    3. Katie – she just so dang adorable…even if she shouldn’t be a nightly news anchor.

    4. Nancy – Ann looks like a horse.

    5. Dave – hope he doesn’t have a heart attack.

    6. Tom – he is one sexy beast.

    7. Sean – Shepherd looks like a Ken doll.

    8. Chris – blegh…the vomit…is…choking….me…..

    9. Joel – I LOVE HIM!!! He has the best smile ever. I practically cried when I found out he was married.

    10. Wolf – Larry might actually be a corpse. Like Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her. They just keep putting him back together and spray painting him and adding lacquer.

  20. Megan says:

    I just stumbled across this blog and am loving this!

    Anderson Cooper – even though he’s gay. Those eyes….

    Jon Stewart – I’ve had a thing for him for years…sooo hot

    Meredith Viera – because she seems not so plastic

    This next one almost made my not post a comment due to throwing up a little in my mouth

    Nancy Grace – ug, I don’t want to talk about it

    Dave Letterman – love his humor and the gap in his teeth

    Tom Brokaw – just cuter

    Sean Hannity – Shepard Smith looks like a robot

    Chris Berman – ?

    Joel McHale – mainly because he is so damn funny

    Wolf Blitzer – Larry King is the thing nightmares are made of

    Thanks for the laugh!

  21. Lisa Ann says:

    I think Shepard Smith would be an interesting choice because I have NEVER seen him make any other facial expression other than the one he has in that photo. Just the challenge of making him have a different express would be worth the self sacrifice.

    One question: If Death is Not an option BEFORE you sleep with them; is it a choice AFTER you have to sleep with them?

    I’ll wait for the answer before I cast my final vote. Cause some decisions look better when you know what awaits on the other side – total shame, death or a penicillin shot 😉

  22. kdiddy says:

    Anderson Cooper
    Jon Stewart
    Katie Couric
    Ann Coulter (because I’m now convinced that she’s an elaborate performance artist from the left and if I give her some good head, maybe she’ll get giddy and confess this to me)
    Jay Leno (only because David Letterman looks almost exactly like my dad)
    Tom Brokaw (only because I kind of wish Dan Rather WAS my dad)
    Shepherd Smith
    John Madden (because I might get some free video games out of it)
    Joel McHale (though I would sleep with Kimmel if he promised to write a “I’m fucking kdiddy!” song)
    Wolf Blitzer

  23. Some of those pairings actually made me gag.

  24. 1) Cooper
    2) Stewart
    3) Couric – and I hate her
    4) Grace – Lesser of two evils
    6) Brokaw
    7) Smith?
    8) *shudder* Madden – Just so I could tell people
    9) Kimmel – because wouldn’t I be f*cking Ben Affleck by proxy?
    10) Blitzer, but I wouldn’t like it.

  25. Steph T says:

    1) Cooper (I don’t care if he is gay)
    2) Stewart
    3) Couric (because I hate Meredith more)
    4) Grace (because I don’t think she would beat me up)
    5) Lettermen (because Leno…ewwww)
    6) Brokaw
    7) Hannity (just because I don’t really like pretty boys)
    8) Berman (just because I think Madden has a small …)
    9) McHale (I think he’s adorable)
    10 Blitzer (because I don’t think he would die during)

  26. Anderson Cooper
    TOUGH… SO TOUGH… I think Stewart
    And ANYONE but Larry King