Posted By Kristabella on January 21, 2008
I am out of any kind of material. Not that I really ever have much. And I have a few things I would like to share with you, but I don’t know how much time I have to write. I checked into my SUITE at the hotel for our sales training this week.
The SUITE complete with TWO separate rooms and a tray of fresh fruit (my hotel contact must know I’m trying to lose weight) and a bottle of wine (my hotel contact must know I’m a drunk). So I’m sitting here, watching football in the mirror because the desk is opposite the TV, and drinking some nice wine. The meeting room is set up and well, I’m just waiting. Because I’m going out to dinner with co-workers. And I don’t know when they’ll be done with their meeting and when I can EAT. So I’m DRINKING instead. But I’m really kind of hungry. And I’m thinking I might have to tell them to fuck off because a girl needs to eat.
Did you know when you watch TV in a mirror, that everything is backwards? And the little weather break had me all excited because tomorrow is supposed to be 51! Oh. No. That’s 15.
And also, why don’t hotels have conditioner in the rooms? I don’t bring it with me because you are supposed to have it. Conditioning shampoo is not the same. And now I have to brave the negative temperatures to go to Walgreens to get some conditioner. Or my hair will get mad. And she has this move where cocks back and swing the ends of my hair and SLAPS me in the face. What did five fingers say to the face? Slaappp!
Anyway, this is not the point of my post. Although, it could have been. Because there is enough there. Because I write much worse on a daily basis. And I just gave you a visual of my hair slapping me in my face.
I was tagged. For some sort of meme. And while I’m really not a huge fan of the meme, this one I can do because I get to share weird things about me. And I’ve actually been tagged for this meme a few times before. But Vanessa tagged me. And we share a stalkerish love of Jen Lancaster, so I shall do her meme. I just don’t know if I have seven more. Seeing as I’ve shared like 27 already. And a girl can only be so weird.
(Side note, just reading those other ones, it took like 5 I was going to write about here tonight. Shit! Maybe I should do less drunk posting. Or just less drinking period.)
1. I know the words to almost every song. It may not be the entire song, but more often than not I’ll know the entire chorus and a few other lines. And not just current songs. You can throw on most any station, and I’m still going to remember the words to these songs from over 10 years ago. I like to tell myself that this useful information takes the place in my brain that used to be occupied by quadratic equations. Because who the hell uses that? Talk about useless information.
2. Back in 2003 or 2004, I but my lip. No, that is not the interesting part. Do you sometimes bite your lip and you get a little bump and then CONSTANTLY keep biting it? Well, I do. And I kept biting it and the little bump didn’t go away. It turned into a bigger bump and then ate my face and I was a walking goiter. Not really. But I had to go to the ear, nose and throat doctor to have it cut out. And bring my total stitches count to 14. And I tell you this because I’m currently housing another bump on the inside of my lip that is irritating me.
3. Speaking of stitches, I have had them on three separate occasions. One was the time mentioned above. Another time was when I was playing tag or some childhood game with my neighbor friend. And I went to chase him, he came to chase me and his head met my lip as we came around a corner. I needed two stitches then. And got to learn that Hydrogen Peroxide tastes like what I’d imagine the water I wash my ass tastes like. The other time was when I was 5. And I went on the neighbor’s jungle gym after a rain storm. And being the clumsy person that I have always and will forever be, I slipped. And as I slipped, I slid down the jungle gym and proceeded to scrape my entire chin on a nice, rusty screw. That required 8 stitches and I still have the scar.
4. I cry at every episode of Full House. And yes, I watch Full House too much for a 30-year old woman. Stupid ABC Family. But it never fails that at the end of each episode, when DJ, Stephanie or Michelle learn important life lessons, I tear up. Because it is just so heartwarming.
5. I talk to my cats. In a baby voice. All the time. Like they even understand. Or care what I have to say. And just look at me saying FOOD. NOW. HUMAN! But I do it anyway. And if they meow back? It just continues the conversation.
6. At the Niners, I got sexually harassed on a daily basis. Especially after I lost all the weight that I’ve now put back on. The only one that made me a wee bit uncomfortable was when I said hello to a player walking off the field and asked him “what’s up?” And he said “my dick. Suck it.” And I just stood there SHOCKED. I tried to remember not to open my mouth, thinking he may assume that it was an invitation. And my boss was standing right there. And just laughed. But that’s how they told you that you were part of the inner circle. No matter how wrong it was.
7. I love minor league baseball. I worked my summers in college for the Kane County Cougars. And have had an obsession ever since. My favorite Cougar was A.J. Burnett, who I knew, in those early days, was going to make it to the bigs. I have a ball signed by him because I was in lurve. But I just love the whole fan experience that it involved because everyone knows people aren’t coming to see good baseball, especially at the single A level. That and making it an experience for the fans tends to involve beer batters and $1 beer nights.
I am not tagging anyone. So if you’d like, especially you Blog 365 crazies, have at it. And please, no more tagging me. I am NOT this weird.