I’ll gladly forgo shows of “chivalry” during the courtship phase in favor of more personal caring gestures later on in the relationship.

Second off…second off, is that a phrase? Sorry, going for consistency:) ANYWAYZ…I went thru the same phase of thinking chivalry was lame and don’t you dare open the door for me I can get it myself. BUT…chivalry is a GREAT thing and when it doesn’t happen it is so noticeable I feel sorry for the damn shmuck that missed that page in the How to Be a Man palybook!

(And three f’ing comments by me, myself and I today. Maybe wait until the end of the day, dumbass.)

Miss Jones – Here! Here! We should all be nicer to everyone, boy or girl. And I wouldn’t take the seat on the EL if a dude offered to me just on principle.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding?

That said, there are days when I get on a full el car and I want to sit my ass down. But we’re all wage earners and I don’t deserve special treatment. Except if I ever had to ride a full el car pregnant, I would be giving some icy stares to seated passengers.

Rich – I can clarify one gray area into black and white. Ass slapping = not chivalrous.

Is it just me or are the women you most hear that “chivalry is dead” talk from are the ones who treat guys like crap. They’re use of the term often means they want to be bought everything and catered to and basically have the guy lie down and be a doormat. Then they cheat on him. Go figure. What’s the incentive for the guy there? So when women complain that “chivalry is dead,” I usually tell them to suck it.

As for more realistic “chivalry,” yeah, I unconsciously let women into and off the elevator first and hold doors. Then again, I hold doors for guys too. If there’s someone a few steps behind you, like rich said, it’s just being a good guy.

I can’t speak for women, but at least in my last relationship, I scored points when it seemed like I was putting thought and effort into it rather than just trying to be smooth. I didn’t know about the walking on the inside of the sidewalk and when she told me about that, I started going out of my way to do that. Which would often include not always being conscious of it at first and then running around her to get on the inside once I realized it. At least in that case, wanting to do the “right thing” was better than instinctively doing it. Christ, I don’t know.

Scarlet – same here. As with most things, when it’s forced, it loses its allure. It’s even nicer when you’re not expecting it. Like from some cute stranger or something. But that shit only happens in TV. And in chick lit.